


closure

by stupidbadgers



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, KakaIru Valentine's Week 2021, Letters, M/M, Not between Kakashi and Iruka, Referenced Emotional Manipulation, Referenced abusive relationship, referenced gaslighting, referenced mizuki/umino iruka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29392449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidbadgers/pseuds/stupidbadgers
Summary: it's time for kakashi and iruka to leave mizuki in the past
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 7
Kudos: 86
Collections: KakaIru Valentine's Week 2021





	closure

**Author's Note:**

> yo. i wanted to create at least one work for this event. writing has been... a challenge. 
> 
> t. swift has taken over my brain. you're welcome. 
> 
> big thanks to kakairu.rocks forum for hosting this event! even bigger thanks to [hazel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelbeka) for reading this multiple times and making it even better than i could have on my own. you're the best <3
> 
> all mistakes are my own; i added things after hazel looked at it. 
> 
> enjoy~

The first letter had arrived only one month after the unexpected dissolution of their friendship. It begged for forgiveness, claimed that Mizuki hadn’t meant the things he said, hadn’t meant to nearly kill Iruka. 

Iruka didn’t believe a single word of it. 

If Iruka had been honest with himself, their friendship had been over for quite a while before the night Mizuki had convinced Naruto to steal the forbidden scroll and then tried to kill said twelve-year-old, instead nearly killing Iruka. They had, at one point, almost been a couple, hooking up a few times here and there, but something had always stopped Iruka from getting closer to the other man. It was true they were friends, had been since they were children, but it was a nagging voice in his mind that allowed himself to keep at arm’s length from Mizuki. 

This was a fact that left Mizuki rankled. He had a possessiveness about him that was slimy and Iruka did not like that. It only got worse after Iruka started dating Kakashi. The ensuing argument between Iruka and Mizuki over Iruka’s choice in partners was volatile and it became village gossip for a solid two weeks, much to Iruka’s consternation. 

It was at this point that Iruka began putting more distance between the two of them, even with Mizuki crawling back two days later to apologize for what he’d said—though, Iruka realized now, the other man still somehow made it out to be Iruka’s fault. He was quite good at that manipulative behavior, gaslighting the hell out of Iruka. 

So really, it was no surprise when the letter came, given to him by Morino Ibiki himself—as all letters received from the prison had to go through T&I before being delivered—while Iruka worked his shift at the mission desk. It would be odd for any other person to receive a hand-delivered letter from Ibiki, but the older man had a bit of a soft spot for Iruka. They had become quite familiar with each other long before Iruka ever made chuunin, still in his youth and causing havoc all through the village. Ibiki had just begun his training at T&I and had dealt with Iruka’s antics many times. 

Iruka read the letter only once and only after much deliberation. It said what he had guessed it would, so he simply placed it in a drawer in his desk at home. It had haunted his thoughts for a few days, a phantom—or maybe not so phantom—pain in his back every time it crossed his mind. And then Kakashi came home from the solo mission the Hokage had sent him out on and Iruka forgot about it. 

Until the next one came a month later. 

It went in the same place as the previous one. 

As the months went on, each letter went into the drawer, unopened. He didn’t know why he kept them as he had no intention of reading them, but they collected dust nonetheless. He could usually forget about them, not even consider that they were taking up space in his life, even in such a tiny, insignificant way. 

It wasn’t until well after Naruto was gone, off training with Jiraiya-sama, and Iruka received yet another one, that Kakashi found the collection while looking for some paper in Iruka’s desk. 

“Ruka,” Kakashi said, his voice a rumble in his chest. 

Iruka didn’t glance up from his book, just hummed in response. 

“What’re these?” 

He looked up now, peering over the back of the couch. 

“Letters,” he answered evasively. He really didn’t want to explain them to Kakashi, though he didn’t really have anything _to_ explain. It wasn’t like he had even read them, even if that wasn’t the point. Kakashi was touchy about Mizuki; he felt guilty for not being in the village when everything happened, and he was still angry that Iruka had been so severely injured. 

He was possessive, but not in the same way Mizuki had been and Iruka found he quite liked Kakashi’s possessiveness, just as Kakashi liked Iruka’s. 

It was quiet for a second too long, Iruka knowing that Kakashi knew those letters were from Mizuki. 

Kakashi sighed, the sound coming from deep within him. He closed the drawer with a sharp motion, the wood creaking under the force. He stood and made for their bedroom. 

Iruka could feel how tightly Kakashi had pulled his chakra into himself, trying to carefully control the lightning storm it was trying to mimic. 

“Sweetheart—”

The bedroom door closed with the same sharpness that the desk drawer had. 

He wanted to follow Kakashi, explain that he hadn’t even read the letters, that they just sat in the drawer, but the facetious and petty part of him shouted that he didn’t _have_ to explain himself to Kakashi, that he was an adult and Kakashi didn’t get a say in this. 

Iruka stayed on the couch, his book closed around his index finger to mark his page as he absentmindedly chewed on his lip. He didn’t know what to do. 

He had just convinced himself to go talk to Kakashi when the bedroom door opened again and Kakashi came out. The jounin didn’t acknowledge Iruka as he went into the kitchen. The cabinet door opened and then shut with a solid noise, though not loud, and Iruka heard the faucet run. A glass clunked against the countertop. 

“Kakashi,” Iruka hedged, swinging his feet off the couch to stand. Before he could, Kakashi reappeared in the living room, his chakra still a storm, though his face was carefully blank, most of it hidden before his mask. 

Iruka’s heart clenched at the sight. Kakashi didn’t wear his mask at home very often, usually only when he was upset or the anxieties of life became too much. 

Kakashi visibly swallowed, his grey eye squeezing shut for just a moment. 

“I don’t understand, Iruka,” Kakashi finally said, his voice low and tight. He held his body taut, none of his usual demeanor present. “Why?” 

“The first one showed up a month after he—”

“ _A month_?”

Iruka winced, realizing he probably shouldn’t have led with that. 

“I haven’t even read them!” Iruka replied, his voice rising. He was starting to get frustrated that Kakashi wouldn’t let him explain, even though there was nothing to explain. 

“They’re opened!” Kakashi said, gesturing at the desk. 

Iruka took a breath, trying to keep from shouting. It wouldn’t help the situation, only escalate it and the last thing he wanted was to have an argument with Kakashi over something as stupid as Mizuki. 

“ _I_ didn’t open them, Kakashi, T&I did. Letters from the prison have to go through there before they’re delivered. Except for the first letter, the only person who’s read them is Ibiki. He gives them to me, I drop them in the drawer, and I try not to think about them again.” 

“So you have read them,” Kakashi countered. 

“ _One_ of them,” Iruka said defensively. “The first one. That’s it. I don’t even know why I read it.” 

Kakashi crossed his arms. Though most of his face was covered, Iruka could still read his expression quite clearly. He was hurt, and Iruka could only assume it was because he hadn’t told Kakashi he was receiving the letters. 

Iruka stood up, crossing the room to stand in front of Kakashi. He gently pulled Kakashi’s arms away from his body, holding the jounin’s calloused hands in his own. Iruka’s thumbs rubbed soothing circles into Kakashi’s palms. 

“I wasn’t…“ He took a breath. “I wasn’t trying to hide this from you, sweetheart.” 

Kakashi’s breathing changed ever so slightly and Iruka knew he had hit the mark in what was bothering Kakashi the most. 

“I didn’t want to read them; they didn’t matter to me. I don’t even know why I kept them.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me though? Do you not trust me?” Kakashi’s voice was quiet, almost _small_ and it broke Iruka’s heart. He berated himself for not telling Kakashi sooner, for causing him pain. He never wanted to hurt his lover like this. 

“Oh sweetheart, I trust you more than anyone in the world. It’s just that we’d only been dating a few months and I knew how you felt about him and I didn’t care about the letters or whatever Mizuki had to say,” Iruka’s words were rushed. The reasons felt so hollow when he said them out loud. “Kakashi, I’m so sorry. I never… I wasn’t thinking. I should have told you.” 

Kakashi let out a breath, his posture relaxing for the first time since he had found the letters. His hands captured Iruka’s deftly and brought Iruka’s knuckles to his covered lips. He held them there, closing his grey eye. Iruka’s own eyes closed at the familiar contact, and he moved minutely closer to the jounin. This was something Kakashi did to ground himself, remind himself that he had Iruka and they would be okay. 

After a moment, Kakashi pulled Iruka to him completely, wrapping his arms around the chuunin; Iruka wrapped his arms around Kakashi’s neck, his fingers burying into the hair at his nape. 

“I’m so very sorry, Kakashi,” Iruka whispered into Kakashi’s neck, nuzzling his nose against the fabric covering the skin. 

Kakashi squeezed Iruka just a smidgen tighter. Iruka didn’t mind though, welcoming the contact after thinking he had truly and completely fucked up. 

“Please don’t keep something like this from me,” Kakashi said quietly. “He almost killed you and Naruto. I don’t know what I would have done if I had lost you. And knowing he’s been trying to communicate with you—I can only imagine the things he’s written.” 

“That’s part of why I never read them. Well, except the first one, but I had to see what he said. It may have taken a fuuma shuriken to my back to clearly see his awful behavior, but I learned.” 

Kakashi made an unhappy noise at that, his chakra momentarily flaring. Iruka’s fingers scratched against his scalp, trying to comfort him. 

They were quiet for a few moments more, taking in the other’s presence. Then, Kakashi stiffened before pulling back, his hands cupping Iruka’s jaw. His grey eye was dark with emotions Iruka couldn’t quite identify. 

“Ruka, I—” He paused, swallowing hard, like he was trying to find his words. “I made this about me and that was wrong.” 

“Kakashi, I shouldn’t have—” 

The jounin was shaking his head, “No, but I should have been more concerned about you. Dealing with this by yourself must have been hard, but I made it harder by reacting the way I did. I’m sorry, Ru.” 

Iruka hadn’t even thought about it that way. He had only been frustrated that Kakashi wouldn’t let him explain the letters, but maybe it should have bothered him that Kakashi hadn’t seemed concerned about him. 

It didn’t really matter now, though. It was done with and nothing would come of being upset by it now, only a longer fight and he didn’t want that. Iruka would rather have the comfort of his boyfriend. 

He must have taken too long to reply, simply staring at Kakashi, because Kakashi spoke again. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Iruka replied with a brief smile. “I don’t want this to come between us.” 

“It won’t and it wouldn’t have before. But are you okay after… After everything he’s done, I can only imagine the distress it would cause you to receive the letters. Especially so many.” 

Iruka chuckled humorlessly. “They’re like clockwork.” 

“You know Ibiki would hold them, would destroy them if you ask.” 

“It just doesn’t feel right to have someone else destroy them. The first one shook me a little bit, with it being so soon after everything and what he wrote, but now I get one and I don’t think about it all that much. I drop it in the drawer and leave it there to collect dust. Sometimes it hits me a little unexpectedly, on days when the pain in my back is there and burning, but you’re always there for me if you’re home. You take care of me.” 

Iruka gave Kakashi a soft smile, the kind that he reserved for his own precious people. 

“I will always be there for you, Iruka. I swear. I’m so sorry, my love.” 

He realized what he needed to do, what he should have done each time one came. The decision was a long time coming. 

Iruka pressed himself against the other man once more, clinging to him. He leaned his head on Kakashi’s chest, hearing the steady beat of his heart. Iruka spoke quietly, “Kashi? Will you help me burn them? I think it’s time to move on completely from him.” 

Kakashi hummed an affirmative, squeezing Iruka. “For both of us.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it and thanks for reading! kudos/comments are much appreciated! <3
> 
> [tumblr](https://stupidbadgers.tumblr.com)


End file.
